How are you not on anything?

I took antidepressants, on and off, for 15 years. Do I still struggle with depression and anxiety? Yes, but now I feel like I have better tools on how to cope with it. Do I think it will ever go away? Maybe. I really don’t know though. It is cyclical for me. One of the most common questions I get from patients is, “How did you come off of your antidepressants?” There was no single variable or event that helped me come off of the drugs. I titrated off slowly with my doctor’s recommendations. Then I started working out almost every single day releasing the endorphins I needed at the time and losing almost 40 lbs, gaining confidence in myself. Next, I was in an extremely abusive and controlling relationship (which later I would realize was probably the best blessing in my life!) During this time, I learned how to use parts of my brain that I had rarely used before. I started working with my hands (and there is some research that supports working with your hands, like knitting, or in my case making monsters, is actually therapeutic and was once prescribed to help ease anxiety). What I had learned during this difficult time was how much a human could actually change. I watched myself become a completely different person. After I had finally left, I realized if I could change during that time, I must be able to change again, but be stronger and definitely a bit more wise! Adversity leads to strength. However, here is the thing. I started practicing gratitude before I even knew what it was. I had lost everything. I left that situation with absolutely nothing (because I had to for safety reasons). It sucked… really bad. I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself at 34 with all this education and nothing to show for it. Nothing. BUT it was the best thing that EVER happened to me. I started appreciating EVERYTHING. Every single smile from a stranger, talking to random people everywhere, a text from my friend, having time to myself, being able to talk to my mother for more than 15 minutes without feeling pressured. It was literally almost everything. My friends would laugh because I was the “yes” girl and lived as much as I could with them. I felt like I finally knew what happiness was. I know there is no one size fits all treatment and something that worked for me, may not work for someone else. What do you have to lose though? What you have tried so far isn’t working; if some of what I am saying resonates with you. You can’t continue to behave in the same ways, going through the same things over and over again, and expect a different result! With that being said, here is a fun TED recommendation to break you into gratitude. (or how we like to call it, Positive Neuroplasticity)