No matter what I try to tell myself and coach myself through. I constantly have to remind myself that everything in life, is a choice. I read and listened to the book, “Emotional Agility” (2016) by Susan David and I understand the concept of thinking of your emotions as data versus a directive, but it is extremely hard to put into play when it is actually happening and you are truly hurt by something. I go through the notions of, yes, I am feeling this emotion, but I truly want to act on it. Especially when I know, the individual inflicting this hurt on me does not understand what they are doing. Then I think about the abuse. No matter how hard I tried to get him to understand how bad he hurt me, he never understood. No matter what I said or any passive aggressive behavior I tried, he never saw “my” side of the story. That is when I realized how little control we actually do have. I know I am a type “A” personality and yes I love being in control, BUT we can never control what anyone else does, says or feels. We haven’t developed that person’s brain. We haven’t been in that person’s life since infancy. So, no matter what you think you can do, that person has already had a lifetime of experiences that has shaped their thinking processes. In reality, the only thing I have control over is myself and my own reactions. So, today I had to take a deep breath and think about perspective and how I wanted to look at things. Yes, this sucked and it was hurtful! At the end of the day, I have people who lift me up and who I know are truly there for me. Everything is exactly how you look at it. As I was told today, if I had a tagline, it would be “guys, you have to listen to this TED talk I watched the other night”
So here is the TED talk that I would recommend about our mindset, focus on growing and not fixating! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tqq66zwa7g
The Monsters Within 